Hi peeps.
School was usual, as per normal.
Didn't study for physics test, im still not getting used to school days.
Cramps were suddenly, it just aches you like hell.
Suffering for three days, moodswings here and there.
I cried, i scolded, i slept.
Today had band, Jacob de hann came, he's wonderful.
Had his autograph, thanks.
Reached home just like tht.
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Shall post about something tht happened yesterday.
Used com, father threw temper at me.
I scolded him back, i screamed at him.
I totally had no mood for him to yell at me anymore. You said you had bearing me for months, you said my results were bad, you said i just cant be a perfect daughter, you said im useless, you said im a horrible girl who does not listen to you, you said when i came back home i did not spend time with you, you said you are tired of driving me to school everyday, you said you wanted to cut off th internet connection, you said you wanted to throw away my phone, you said you wanted to ground me, you said you dont want me as a DAUGHTER.
These words, had you ever wonder how much hurt im feeling right now inside my heart?
Yea as my grandma also side you, she said i shouldn't scream back at you, she said i shouldn't snatch my phone from you, she said i should listen to your words, she said i had to obey you, she said im in th wrong, all these things are just proving tht im just one terrible daughter who dont know how to respect you.
I screamed back at you for you screaming and scolding me. I screamed at you saying im not in a good mood these days. I screamed back at you for beating me. I just screamed and cried at th same moment.
Yea, i cant be compared to my wonderful cousin of my age who studies in River Valley High, my results were not good at all compared to hers. Im just one useless child who cant get results tht make you satisfied.
After my screaming and crying, i run to th room and lock myself up. I just cried and cried without anyone knowing. I cried still although im having a bad flu. I just talked to myself in my heart, wht makes me so useless.
Whts so wrong with me? Am i just tht fcking idoit who does not even know how to read ABC?
yea, i admit my results were not good for your expectations. yea i did deproved on my studies. yea i go out more often compared to last year. yea i became more stubborn.
And yea, nobody on this world is perfect.
I went to bath, i cried while bathing. My eyes were blur to see, i just cried and cried.
I used something to scratch myself so i can wake up. But i still couldn't.
Th pain may be gone, but your words are just too difficult to make me forget.
After bathing, i went straight to my bed and lie there. I used my headphone and listen to songs. tears just flow down by itself. I wanted to sleep but i couldn't again.
10+, my gan jie smsed me, she told me to be careful of her friends. I said, if they want to beat me, go ahead. Make sure they beat me till i bleed everywhere, i fainted, people called ambulance, announced tht im in a dangerous state, i will be in a coma, there's no cure for my case, and i went to death.
_ did not reply my sms, i kept smsing and smsing. I knew something's not right. I told to myself, dont think too much. Wait for tomorrow and lets see. So i waited.
These were things i faced yesterday during night.
Today, i reached home, after eating, i went to your blog.
I saw your post, and i cried again. Wht i said yesterday to myself, were not true. I actually wanted to sms you, but when i saw your post, i off my phone.
Tears just cant stop dripping. i remember those days tht i seen you, those memories. People told me we two can make it, but whts wrong right now.
Whts love to you, had you ever truly loved me before.
Maybe im just a substitude for her, maybe im just a fake one for you. But my feelings were true.
I cried when im jealous, i cried when you ignored me.
I cried for showing attitude to you on monday, i regretted so much.
I just wanted you to be by my side, but you're gone now.
I told myself i still love you, but where are you.
I told myself i shouldn't give up, but did you ever care.
I told myself to be strong, but tears just came.
I told myself you need time, but tht time is forever?
I told myself love must be patient, but will it be gone.
I really dk, dk dk dk.
I just know, when you left tht moment, my heart aches. My tears increased, my love for you's nothing now.
I really dk wht to do now.
Really dk, i just wanted you back to me, but idk will tht be possible.
Let you decide th fate.
):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):
D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
Labels: Where are you.
